Pain is My Pleasure

Terrie Burns

Often times I search myself to find a new different me.  There is nothing wrong with me, but being complacent is not something that goes well in my life.  I like change for the better.  I change with each day, not with the seasons. That me that’s doing the searching was the same individual who gives the best advice to the worst of situations, but when I find myself walking in the same path as others with those problem shoes on, the advice I give for others doesn’t seem to come to mind. In fact no solution comes to mind, only the reluctance to dread over and over and over again over the temporary situation at hand.  By now I know that I have to go through, but I will never get used to it. I know what both my blessing and curse are. My curse creates my blessing.  I must hurt in order to express myself at times. My expression which is my blessing is writing. The thing I will never get used to is the way it feels when I hurt.

With proving the point, I lost track of the true purpose, the fact that it was supposed to be an accomplishment for myself and God. Instead I felt as I was looking my best sitting on the edge of a dunking booth.  Then that unexpected hit would soak me. Now I can laugh that off or give thanks for progress. But just to think that there was a time in my life where I cared what people thought of me or said about me. It threw me off focus, but it is now allowing me to get to my full potential. You have to have a story for a testimony.

I can recall in 1997, returning to college after being kicked out on academic probation.  This was when I started learning this thing called life. There are times in our lives where we feel we are invincible. Two years prior I had just graduated 6th in my high school class out of 206 students. I was accepted into college and I had my life planned out. Kids were not an option. To ensure that didn’t happen I vowed to remain a virgin until I was married.  I knew what I wanted to know, where I wanted to work, and how much I was going to get paid. I was Computer Science Major. I was going to get my degree in 4 years, work for IBM in Charlotte and climb the corporate ladder making six figures within 4 years of graduating. I had booked my flight of life, but didn’t see the layovers, delays or now that turbulence was going to happen.

Well needless to say, I don't work at IBM. I do have a kid and I’m not married. I did get a degree in computers. But what has remained consistently is my love for writing and me being a thick sista. When I am at my lowest and most hurtful points, I find pleasure in writing. It has been over 5 years since I wrote the majority of this piece. In fact all of this piece, with the exception of this paragraph. So much has changed in my life. I will tell my story in my blog, A Girl Worth Fighting For: Memoirs of a Thick Single Sista.

http://www.agirlworthfightingformemoirsthicksinglesista.com/