TARRY

I left the chiropractor this morning and was headed home. I stopped to get a salad from one of my favorite spots in the area. I walked in expecting to see the usual friendly old lady behind the counter, instead there was someone else who I never interacted with before. She made it known that they were out of large lids for the drinks. I told her it was no problem. She asked my name for the order and I gave it to her. I received my  drunk cup and proceeded to load up on ice and lemons, as I waited for my order.

I observed the employees preparing the food and figured out who had my ticket. The sister made my food correct and passed it down the line. I didn't get my order quick enough to my liking. I was rushing. I kept on looking at my ring doorbell to peep the scene of parking spaces. Someone was in the space that I deemed as my park and I was a little salty. I figured if I hurried, I would have a chance to get another good park. I lost track of my order. A young lady came from kitchen and handed my bag after confirming my order.

I turned around to put my extras in my bag, since I didn't have a lid and noticed how the cashier had spelled my name on my ticket. It read, "TARRY."

I was in the vicinity of Target and decided to head there. I had some items I needed to return and items to purchase. As I approached a stop sign, I saw an employee pushing in a trail of buggies. Now for those of you who don't use the word buggy; it's a shopping cart.

He immediately put his hand out to tell me to stop. I was actually stopped, but I was about to make a left down an aisle in search of a park. In my mind Between, I could make my turn. Between the brightness of the red from the stop sign, the employees' uniform and the buggies, it symbolized a warning, so I stayed in place.

I really felt this young man doing his job and me waiting 3 seconds extra was going to "delay" me from getting a good park. Not to mention, there was a car facing me, who I "expected" was going interfere as well. When the employee was clear from traffic, the car actually let me turn.

As I drive down the aisle, I see no "good" parking spaces. I make a right in between some vacant spaces and head up the next aisle. I see nothing ahead of me. I began to "linger into the expectation" that I was not going to find a good spot and had to walk a long distance to the entrance.

There was a car ahead of me. I saw a car backing out of a space. My first thought was "Damn, they're going to get that good space! If I was only a few seconds earlier!" I continued down the aisle, only to discover that the car in front me passed by the space and no other car had entered the entrance closest to the space.

I'm writing this as I am parked in the third space, from the first aisle immediately behind the designated handicap parking spaces. I just looked at my ring and discovered my space is free. I am "tarrying" as I type this.

For those who feel like you have been delayed in life, you are not. In essence if I had not obtained the close space or my favorite space, all that I set out to accomplished was going to get done. It may have been a little late because I had to walk a further distance. It may have been a little rocky, because I had to carry some heavy things and I didn't have a direct route to a door.

But truth is, I still can get those things in the door even if I had to make more than one trip. So I say to you, be positive as you are lingering in your expectations as to what you desire in life. It may not turn out how you want it, when you want or where you want it, but it will turn out for your good. 

In the meantime: Wait. Abide. Stay in or at a place of peace, knowing that you will get all that your are supposed to get. TARRY.

BUMP

It's been a while since I wrote. It's my therapy. There were times when I felt like I was on edge of a panic attack or breakdown, but that smooth writing pen and cute journal allowed me to put my thoughts and make sense of my current life's situation. Over the past few months of losing my full-time job on December 31st with nothing lined up was concerning. I had my moments were I was scared. All I could think of was Kailee graduating, college tuition, and my plans for life that were delayed when my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

I wasn't totally without income when I was laid off.I was  working part-time and opened up my own consulting company. I had a plan. I didn't put it out there like I was supposed to and everytime I was, something would happen. I was able to secure a few contracts for  months in advance. I was collecting unemployment and never skipped a beat.

I interviewed with a few companies. Even with needing a job, I refused to work at another organization working 60 hours of my good work ethics a week only to be rewarded with an off brand ham during the holidays.One company seemed too eager to hire me. I came up with an excuse for the second interview. One company wanted me to do a project, which was more intense than my capstone project for graduate school, I came with an excuse for that too. I couldn't tell you how many connections were involved from people being from Charleston to someone's mother being a Zeta I experienced. I was very confident that something would fall through.

I never heard back from these confident,  knock up out the box interviews, even after sending thank notes and damn near baking a pound cake for the office. I embraced my downtime. Low and behold, I was being petty posting on Facebook one day and a friend/former coworker reached out and asked if I wanted working. What was funny is she said, she hard ever gets on Facebook, but she did that day.. I told her I wasn't working, I sent her my resume and the rest was history. I got hired in less than a month. Back in higher education, working from home PERMANENTLY!

My intentions today were to drop Kailee off to work, grab breakfast and journal on the Battery. My acid reflux was really showing her arse this morning. The heat and eating don't go too well with me. I realized that I didn't really eat that much other than a few of those air fryer Argentine shrimp I made last night after lunch yesterday. So now gas and acid reflux having a good old time.

I wanted grits and sausage. I pulled up and went with cheese grits and eggs instead. My diverted intentions were now to get a cup of coffee and snackin bacon. The drive thru was long. I pulled in a park, grabbed my purse, threw on a baseball cap and mask and scurried to beat the other two individuals who had my same thoughts. I was next in line. I saw Sister Girl from the drive thru behind the register. She was gathering the customer in front of me food. She totaled his order and received an error message. She tried all she could to get the system working, it just wouldn't. To add to her frustration, she was told the grill was down. She finally made a clutch decision to only accept cash, since the credit card machine would not work. By now the line inside was just as long as the one was outside. When she made the announcement "cash only", that cleared all except for the customer in front of me, myself and two other individuals behind me. 

I placed my order and went on a whim and ask for bacon, she confirmed the grill was still down. I only ordered coffee. I accepted what was going and made do. Sister Girlnwas already frustrated  and what good would that have done to be mad at something out of her control. Sister Girl then discovered that the orders weren't being transmitted to the back to be made. After another sigh of frustration, she locked the door and no one else could enter. There were people approaching the door, she told them what happened and they walked off with a plethora of negative comments.

She went back and she fixed my coffee last. She told me she was making it and I told her no problem. She asked if I wanted everything that came with it. She told me the ingredients and I frowned, she assured me it would be good. I confirmed she remembered my almond milk. As she was finishing up a customer was locking the door for her. He told a few people the lobby was closed. They walked off as another lady walked up and saw what happened. The door was locked. She remained outside the door. I finally got my coffee and she said, "I'm going to walk you out so that I can Iock the door."

The customer was waiting, Sister Girl told her that the lobby was closed. Her "Karenish" response didn't phase Sister Girl at all. I saw the preparation of a "Oh I got time today" conversation, but the customer stormed off. Sister Girl had a venting session with me for a few seconds. We laughed at the way the customer stormed off, but I assured her that inspite of, it was going to be a good day. Sister Girl told me to come back to get some bacon on her later.

I got in my truck and headed to my spot. I began to think of my life and how truly blessed I am despite of the many bumps I encountered over the course of my life. In one week, the child that I was not supposed to have. The child that I was raising wrong. The child that would call me on my desk phone at work to get help with her homework. The child that I would take to work and lock up in my office with food and books is graduating, ranked 16th out 81 students in her class with a 4.450 GPA.

In preparation for our new chapter of life the blessings have been flowing. I'm at point in my life where I am truly reaping what I sowed and so is my child.What is amazing is that, I can remember when people doubted my parenting skills. I can remember when people told me that I would be miserable because I stood true to my beliefs and fought for others. I can remember the pain of feeling used. I remember accepting "Graveyard" relationships as my grandmother would call them. You know the ones, where you always put out and they always take in. Nothing ever comes out of Graveyard, it only goes in.

It wasn't until my latter years, that I adopted reciprocity in relationships. I now treat people the same way they treat me. I give them the same energy they give me. I realized that I am not for everyone. I am a special individual who is sensitive in many realms, particularly a spiritual realm. Everyone don't deserve it. Everyone ain't gonna get it.

I have been so full and just amazed by the love and outpouring of the individuals in my live as Kailee prepares for college. To hear people say I have your back and truly have your back is a blessing. To have conversations with people and talk about things that you need to do or need, and to get a call back and it's done, is mind blowing.

I'm eating the best damn serving of eggs I had since hatches was a saw and drinking this butter pecan latte, as I serve as living witness to surviving the bumps in life. I went thru those bumps for this season. The roads were rough, but they eventually even out and it's smooth ride. There we're many bumps that I could have avoided, because the signs were there. Then there were those bumps, that I rolled over on an angle but caused damage in the long run, but I repaired those damages.

To whomever reads this, this is your encouragement.

Marked Down

The way the sun rose this morning was anything less than amazing. I figured out what was for breakfast. I said I would get some grits to eat the left over shrimp and gravy in the fridge. I headed to Bojangles. I remembered not to order that sausage patty 😬! I got to the window it was the same sister that last time that I was there who was upset with scheduling. Over her shoulders was the same brother, finessing those biscuits, laying eggs, cheese and the sexiest slices of bacon in the 843 area code. My total was a $1.43. I handed over one of my many gift cards I've received throughout the years. This time sister girl was in a good mood. We didn't have a conversation because we she had to take an order. Our interaction ending with that universal head tilt, nod, wave equivalent to "Aight Sis!" I'm glad I didn't stereotype her based on our last interaction. That should hit home for somebody.😏

I remembered that I had to go buy some ingredients to make Keith's Sunday meal: lima beans with smoked turkey and baked chicken. Analyzing what stores I wanted to hit, I realized that my recently purchased grits would be cold and my bougie self does not, I repeat does not eat reheated grits.

I made my way to Dunkin Donuts. I ordered some more Avocado toast. I didn't see that refresher drink I usually ordered, so I went with sweet tea. When I got to the window, I paid for my meal. A sister came out the back and we started talking. She asked me how I liked the Avocado toast. I said I liked it and yesterday was my first time. She said I had to come see who was at the window, because by your voice I could tell it was one of us. <Insert I feel you girl point> We then went on to talk about recommendations from my next order, my journey of giving up snackin bacon and we shared our good byes until next time.

Since I enjoyed The Battery yesterday, and I have a lot of stuff to do today, my early morning adventure is hitting the markdowns at the grocery stores. I've been doing this for years. Now, I even got Keith asking me what deals I found. If I find something good, I usually take pictures and send to my peoples to see if they want it. If it's a deal I can't pass by, I will purchase and drop it off to them.

My love for markdowns is a fascination of mine. Not only does it have to do with budgeting and stocking the freezer, it sheds light on life. At one point and time that pack of chicken or those pair of shoes were placed on that shelf or rack at full price with the intentions to sell quickly, in which some did. Some people purchased the items without cost or looks in mind. It was something that they wanted or deemed needed. It could have been an impulse buy in which those shoes are still in the closet never worn or that meat sat in the fridge or freezer too long.

The remaining items went on sale, and some items were sold. Someone took into consideration  how the items looked and the cost, before making a commitment. 

Then those  items that didn't sell as fast as the others went on a final sale. These items labeled differently. They are often bright stickera showing the original price marked through and the final price. These items are non-returnable because the shelf life is coming to an end.

I look for those bright labeled few items each weekend. Why? Because those items are equivocal to people in my sight. Each day I see my single friends share experiences of finding the right mate, hopes of walking down the aisle and wanting a good relationship. But society tells us that we have to do it before a certain age.. Having being single for over five years before entering my current relationship. I felt just like that marked down pack of chicken on the self. I knew my worth, but I let others put a price on me. I'm supposed to be this by that. But what I started looking at was how much I saved by avoiding some relationships and I was grateful I wasn't picked up my some.

I type this as I'm sitting in Harris Teeter parking lot, finishing off my sweat tea. Just because you're older, you have kids, you've had failed relationships, someone won't let you bury your past or you don't feel as you have arrived, doesn't not take away from the fact of your original worth. The fact that what we do with these items vary based on when, why, how, and who purchased them.

Someone is going to see you and your worth, and be amazed that they found a premium being for little or nothing being looked over time and time again. They will know what to do with you, because it's something that they wanted or they were looking for.

Hey sis! Hey bro! Someone is coming to scoop you off the shelf.

#thinkingoutloud #biggirlswrite

Detours

On my weekend morning me time adventure, my thoughts were preoccupied with breakfast. Beginning this month, Kailee and I decided to change our eating habits. Kailee would cut out the majority of her carbs, junk food, eat more salads and have a few cheat days a month. I would go  the pescatarian route. I noticed the things I did pre-40s hormonal imbalances times aint working like they used to. Today would have been a perfect day for some bacon. My southern lunch lady arm mindset reminiscent of Saturday breakfast made me want bacon, sausage, grits, eggs or that left over piece of fried fish or shrimp and gravy, Granny had cooked embracing her Catholic lifestyle to attend local schools a century ago. But that was not happening.

I'm riding down Savannah Highway thinking of what I can eat and all the places that come to mind, the foods that come to mind have meats that are not within my pescatarian scope. I finally decide to go to Dunkin Donuts to try the Avocado toast, which was actually good.

As I make my way home, I remember I have a meeting at 11 am. I needed my me time at my thinking spot: The Battery. It was raining but I could see the sun peaking out. The birds were still flying as normal. I saw a few fish poke their head out the water, the animals didn't let the rain stop them, so why should I?

My usual route was unavailable due to construction being done at the Battery. I took several side streets until I found a path that would lead me to where I needed to be. The parking was ridiculous and I contemplated heading on home. Instead I made a u-turn and followed the signs that were posted almost on every block. Those signs were bright orange with the word "DETOUR" across it. When I got back to where I originally started, a vehicle had moved and I now had a good spot.

As I'm typing this I am finishing up my drink from Starbucks that the barista added lemonade that I didn't ask for, but I thoroughly enjoyed. In life we have habits that we need to break. In life we have to stop focusing on wants and start focusing on needs. What worked for granny and those, won't work for you. Oh a word to the wise our Elders ain't always right! We are in different times and must adapt to these different situations.

Sometimes our mindset is so crippled by what we are used to, that the universe throws DETOURS in life to experience new things and to break habits. We cannot limit ourselves or our children  in these times. Do something different. Explore new things. Be open minded. Follow the signs. Life gave me a refreshing cup of lemonade this morning...😏

Mawning! 

#thinkingoutloud